Close to somewhere more than a week ago, I went through the Passing out parade (POP) from Basic military training. Beneath the smile that was captured by the camera is one troubled soul. And what caused the troubled soul is my next phase in NS life: my posting 

And I will only know the posting 1 week later

God has already shown me that I do not have to worry. There is no need to worry. But the situation is so real. Especially when there are intakes of very tough vocations and I hope I do hope that I'm not selected to be in that vocation.

In my quiet time, more like times of desperation before God, I experienced both breaking and comfort. The test of resting in God and the test of having the faith to trust that what God is bringing me into is what He desires me to be in. 

It is not easy. I have experienced previously where God really tested my faith in Him. But this one is like a bigger testing. Especially when Thursday night came and my section mates are all talking about their posting, the only thing I can do is to just keep praying, and my prayer is that I do not ask for a posting of what I deem as good, but i preyed that my will be surrendered to Him. 

In the apostles Paul wrote that we have to endure sufferings, which I feel that suffering is what I have to go through. 

But how much? 

The answer is that The Lord knows best. We don't know 

Sometimes we avoid sufferings 

Sometimes we think we can endure sufferings but realized that it is way more than what we asked for 

But from my devotions, I know that The Lord will be my guide, even unto death. 

It is the faith that is being tested and I trust in God to the end. To really say that God be my guide and totally just be at peace and wait upon The Lord is really hard. But it has to be done. 

I got to know of the posting in one of the most epic ways: with my sections mate. We met up for lunch and read about our postings together. 

And when I know about my posting, I thank God. It is not an easy posting, but I just want to thank God that whatever tough times I go through, He will be my shepherd, my strength and my shield, and I will give Him full control. 

The upcoming weeks and months, I will face challenges that I have never faced before, but I just want to be strong in faith, let God hold me step by step. And my future unit posting is in His hands too. 

Even as I post this post, I still feel the uncertainty creeping in. But I still want to declare that God will be the Lord who leads, strengthen and guide me.