A title for the sake of having a title

I originally wanted to start with me dreading going to Taiwan, with me feeling not ready to face what is ahead, and all the preparation driving me crazy. But somehow, I just felt the feeling to read through all my post ever since I enlisted in Tekong till now.

The feeling about going Taiwan isn't new. I've struggled with it countless times, so many times I can't remember already. And once again, I know I'm faced with my weakness, that it's indeed going to be a tough battle for me. But looking back at all those post, I can feel the feeling of relief and happiness when God has sustained me through all those tough times.

And now, I choose to stand up and believe that God will be faithful enough to pull me through the impossible. To pull me through what I think I will not able to pull through. And I choose to believe that I will indeed live by faith and not by sight, and not let my thoughts keep repeating all those uncertainties but just take the step of faith and let God do the rest.

It may be quite ironic that I type this and then next morning feel the dread once again. But then, I want to just post this as a reminder to myself and to those who read the blog that in our walk, we gotta stand fast in Him.



I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

p.s. I posted this song before but this is really one of my favourites which is a constant reminder that our faith in God has to be rooted.

Is this how

I keep telling myself that I cannot be a prisoner of the past.

And I seem to have finally found the strength and the will to move on.

And then I look ahead, I don't see anything that motivates me ahead already.

Is this really how faith is meant to be? To be totally uncertain of the future and yet keep moving forward?
This is a real real test yo...

So...its tougher than I thought..

These upcoming weeks would be even tougher than I originally thought it would be.

So many challenges ahead.

While I'm being cheered for me by people around, all I could do was stare...

Slowly moving on

Slowly pushing myself forward in this wilderness path that I got to take...

And here goes

A new week ahead

I don't know whether I'm gonna really hate conventional to the core, or whether I am able to somehow actually pull through it.

The weight that I'm gonna to bear on my shoulders is gonna be insane. For sure.

Another hurdle I got to pull through...

Once again

Back to camp tomorrow
Continuing the battle of confronting all the inner fears.
I will overcome...no I must overcome all these that is around me.

Jesus already gave the command of "let not our hearts be troubled"
It is more than just an encouragement, but it is a commandment.
Same goes for the the command of "Do not worry about tomorrow"

Therefore let my heart be steadfast in the Lord.

Keep going on...

Last week was going on a super intense war zone.
When I walked out of the camp, I just felt so happy and relieved that the week is over.
Talk about experiencing some form of emotional breakdown...when was the last time since I actually had that? Can't remember

Now that the week is over and thank God for the extra day to catch more recovery breath, the new week has to be faced and this week is not gonna get any much easier. The test in how much trust I have in God is gonna be tested once again...I do want to dwell on that issue anymore. God bring me through.

The scars reminds of the pain I went through and the blood that flowed out.

As the days goes by

As the days goes by, it is not easy

My trust in God, my faith in God, whether I am able give thanks, remain in the spirit, are all put to the test.

I need God so much in my life, cause without Him I am really unable to do anything.

How much I am really to live out the phrase of: "this life is not mine, but it belongs to God" ?
How much am I really able to trust in God no matter what is ahead, no matter how troubled I feel?
How much I am really to have my faith in God and just believe that God holds everything in His hands??

This weekend marks the progression of training phase into combat phase in the final 3 weeks. Things are gonna get tougher as it involves a lot more strenuous drills and activities.

Psalm 25:1
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed;
Let not my enemies triumph over me

My enemies are not seen by my own eyes. My enemies are in my heart, the creeping worries of what is to happen, the unbelief in my heart to believe that what God is doing is good despite all the storms around, the part of me that does not give thanks but complains when things does not go the way I like and the part of me that judge people around me so easily and get irritated so easily when I am worn out from the training. I am my own worse enemy.

God help me. I need a time of restoration and rest, a time of refreshing and renewal of strength.
And the joy and peace that is able to surpass all understanding.

One more thing I really appreciate is: My family in Christ that God has blessed me on top of my family.

A simple yet memorable day. Thanks everyone, especially the one who made this card.  

Appreciate and treasure all of my brothers and sisters in Christ

Back to the war zone soon

Another weekend just flew away like this
I could hardly catch a recovery breath over what happened over the last week and now I'm going back to the battlefield
I'm just not in the mood to type out what's in my mind
The only thing that I must be reminded of: my identity must be in Christ and the life that I now live, I live by the faith of the Son of God, and that even in this trial of my faith, I must hold on to God.

Many more weeks to go

Conquered my 1st week of my new course
Many more weeks left

As usual, every single day is a battle, a tough battle
Tekan sessions, tiring course, and then not to mention the constant battle to keep myself in the spirit to not worry, trust in God, reply on His strength, and to have a joyful heart

Despite the strain experienced, the complains heard, the need to know that you are separated unto God and must not be affected by what is around.

I find it difficult to type in something in my blog and then book in, not being able to read on the post to motivate me on.
Writing in book is kinda easier. Just read through all the little thoughts about my relationship and walk with God to remind me of the greater calling I have. Well, for now that's about it.

I'm a pawn in God's plan
A pawn's job is to allow himself to be led into the battle
And not doubt the ability of the one controlling the life of the pawn
He is the potter, I am the clay
Change my heart O Lord
There has to be a renewing of my mind.





James 1:2
² My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴ But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he isa double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Close to somewhere more than a week ago, I went through the Passing out parade (POP) from Basic military training. Beneath the smile that was captured by the camera is one troubled soul. And what caused the troubled soul is my next phase in NS life: my posting 

And I will only know the posting 1 week later

God has already shown me that I do not have to worry. There is no need to worry. But the situation is so real. Especially when there are intakes of very tough vocations and I hope I do hope that I'm not selected to be in that vocation.

In my quiet time, more like times of desperation before God, I experienced both breaking and comfort. The test of resting in God and the test of having the faith to trust that what God is bringing me into is what He desires me to be in. 

It is not easy. I have experienced previously where God really tested my faith in Him. But this one is like a bigger testing. Especially when Thursday night came and my section mates are all talking about their posting, the only thing I can do is to just keep praying, and my prayer is that I do not ask for a posting of what I deem as good, but i preyed that my will be surrendered to Him. 

In the apostles Paul wrote that we have to endure sufferings, which I feel that suffering is what I have to go through. 

But how much? 

The answer is that The Lord knows best. We don't know 

Sometimes we avoid sufferings 

Sometimes we think we can endure sufferings but realized that it is way more than what we asked for 

But from my devotions, I know that The Lord will be my guide, even unto death. 

It is the faith that is being tested and I trust in God to the end. To really say that God be my guide and totally just be at peace and wait upon The Lord is really hard. But it has to be done. 

I got to know of the posting in one of the most epic ways: with my sections mate. We met up for lunch and read about our postings together. 

And when I know about my posting, I thank God. It is not an easy posting, but I just want to thank God that whatever tough times I go through, He will be my shepherd, my strength and my shield, and I will give Him full control. 

The upcoming weeks and months, I will face challenges that I have never faced before, but I just want to be strong in faith, let God hold me step by step. And my future unit posting is in His hands too. 

Even as I post this post, I still feel the uncertainty creeping in. But I still want to declare that God will be the Lord who leads, strengthen and guide me. 

He holds me now...

At this stage of the new year, there are like just so many things to pull through and so many more things to come.
My walk with God has to be made practical, to not to worry but have this complete trust in Him.
It is one thing to just hear worship songs or preaching or having this thought in the back of my head to trust and know God is in control of everything.
But it is another to really have that faith in God that He holds our whole little puny life.
We make such a big fuss on what is ahead of us that we get distracted from what God has in place of us.

It is easy to worry, fret and feel uncertain
But I want to put the old worrying self to death and let God lead me by my hands and take this step of faith.
He holds my everything. He holds my whole future. Everything in my life I lift up to Him.
Especially what I have to go through in the next 20 months.