Will I be...

Will I be strong enough to face what is to come once again?
I do not know the answer
Neither am I going to think about what happened

It is not the result of what happened that caused so much pain and sadness, but the things that I felt before, during and after the event.
No longer am I going to buy the words of those who tells me: "you can do it".
Though I appreciate those encouragement, they no longer mean anything to me as of now.

And neither is telling myself that I will be able to pull it by God's strength going to work
It is not that I do not believe that I will be able to pull through it with God's strength
I am not doubting God, neither is it a case where I have lost hope in God
I will always declare that God is the strength of my heart
But it's just that it's no longer what I think and want will happen, but it's me saying: "Not my will, but your will be done"

I thought that I have already gotten over it, already gotten over the sadness and ready to continue moving on,  yet yesterday, during the Sunday morning worship, the exact same words that I was impressed upon before the event was spoken and it just felt that the old wounds were torn opened again and the hurt just felt so real again.

It is a test of my faith in God.
One of the toughest I had ever went through
I did think that if I managed to pull through it previously, I wouldn't have felt so broken the day that happened and then yesterday.
Yet I know that God's hand is over everything.
I can tell that He is telling me to trust in Him into a deeper level.

No longer it is just "Trusting on the Lord and not leaning to my own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5)
I am not implying that that verse is not important.
It is just that in this test, I believe that it is a test more than that. Way more than that.

When we say that we want a deeper walk with God, do not expect the deepening of the relationship to come.
Be expected that God to literally break you, until all you feel is nothing but despair.
But it's ok.
It is only in despair that our prayers reach a deeper level
It is only in despair that we know that there is no such things as "bright side of life"
It is only in despair that we know how to pray with a heart that is really broken and contrite

This is a testing for me...to really say from my heart
"Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him"

Going back to camp in another few hours.
Though I am not feeling so terrible as last week cause field camp has been conquered, and it is by God's grace that I conquered it, but there are still things to be done.
More tests to overcome.

Psalm 94:18-19
When I said, My foot slippeth; thy mercy, O Lord, held me up.
In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comfort delight my soul

***What happened is just something between me and God and it took place in camp. No 3rd party was involved in this and it is not an issue of relationship issues with other people***

Courage!!!

Psalm 31:24
Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

I love you endlessly.

John 14:15
If ye love me, keep my commandments.

That's loving God in action



Wasn't planning to do blogging during report writing. During the listening of worship songs on youtube, got to chance on this song and with this verse popping in my head, decided to just drop by here.

God is Good

Well, the new year has begun.

Towards the end of 2011, I was ending the book of Revelations.
So just nice, decided to start with Genesis chapter 1 on the first hours of 1st Jan 2012

And I loved this verse

Gen 1:31
And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Whatever God has created was very good. Whatever He is doing in our lives, as long as we submit to Him, it will also be VERY GOOD!!! even if it does not seem to be so as of now. But know that all things work together for GOOD to those who love God
(Romans 8:28)

Starting the new year knowing that whatever God has made for us is GOOD is such a great encouragement

Fear the Lord

Provrbs 8:13
The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.

O Lord, teach everyone of us to fear You, to depart from all evil and to hate all the ways of the flesh.

That we may live a life that is pleasing towards you.




Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

Yeah...

Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who's writing in the sand
Make the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of thieves
Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees
No one knows what we're for only against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

'Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours

And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah...
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

Wait for the Lord, Bless the Lord and sing of His mercies

I find myself struggling to stand firm.

I find myself pressed under the weight of all the trials and testings

But despite all, God has told me. Wait upon the Lord.

Wait for the Lord, all ye who are righteous

Despise not the wicked, for they have their reward

But you shall ride, on the heights of all the earth

And taste of things not seen nor heard

You share declare, the greatness of the Lord

Wait oh wait for your reward

Indeed, we all gotta wait for the Lord, whose day is near

It is only in the waiting upon the Lord, that we are able to learn how to praise God despite all circumstances no matter how painful they are, and to be able to sing blessings to the Lord

Bless the Lord, my soul, and bless God's holy name.
Bless the Lord, my soul, who leads me into life. (Ps 104,1)


The Lord controls everything in our lives.
Trust in Him, no matter what.
Take heart, and take firm foundation in Christ
And every day, we will be able to sing of His mercies

Here I am a sinner broken and in need of You

Take my life and wash my fears away

For You are the 'Great I am', rest assured, I feel Your hand

Holding me until the darkness clears

A Father to the fatherless, redeemer of my soul

My Life is Yours forever, my heart will always know

Your mercy saved me, mercy made me whole

Your mercy found me, called me as Your own

Here I stand a child of Yours broken and in need of You

Break these chains and wash my guilt away

Healer of my brokenness, my weary soul will find its rest

You are my strength, the lifter of my head

You're greater than my yesterdays, You hold me close today

You're the Lord of my tomorrows, my heart will always say

You're greater than my yesterdays, You hold me close today

You're the Lord of my tomorrows, my heart will always say

Your mercy saved me, mercy made me whole

Your mercy found me, called me as Your own

Your mercy saved me, mercy made me whole, me whole

Your mercy found me, called me as Your own

You called me as Your own

You called me as Your own

Thank You for Your mercy

Thank You for Your mercy

Your mercy saved me, mercy made me whole

Your mercy found me, called me as Your own

Your mercy saved me, mercy made me whole

Your mercy found me, called me as Your own

You called me as Your own, Your own

thanks to a friend who showed me this song :)

He has overcome

All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failure
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

All our heartache
And all our pain
God our healer
He has overcome

All our burdens
And all our shame
God our freedom
He has overcome

God our justice
God our grace
God our freedom
He has overcome

God our refuge
God our strength
God is with us
He has overcome

It's a war

We should battle through our moods, feelings, and emotions into absolute devotion to the Lord Jesus. We must break out of our own little world of experience into abandoned devotion to Him

~oswald chambers~

Oh yes, it's a war. It's a war that every son of God has to fight through.

We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid

O Lord, make us courageous.

James 1:2-4
2) My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3) Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4) But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.


I was really encouraged by last saturday's youth meeting, once again reminded to stay in God always, and the devil will be unable to touch me. he may be a roaring lion to us, but when God is with us, the devil is just a little kitten.
(beware, even kittens can scratch).

That is why we all gotta be alert and standing strong with God

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands


One of the ministry once said this: "It's a tough battle. Do not expect a walk in a park."

That's right
In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand

O Lord help us.
Everyday is a war. A tough war.
It's a trial of our faith.

Run to God, for He is our strong fortress
Entertain no thoughs of the devil. The more we entertain, the more likely we will be tempted.

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

New creation

2 Corinthians 5:17
If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new

Sing aloud of thy mercy

Psalm 59:16
16)But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble.
17)Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy.

Do not worry

Matthew 6:31-34

31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Praise

Psalm 147:1

Praise the Lord!

For it is good to sing praises to our God;

For it is pleasant and praise is bealutiful.

With my whole heart

Psalm 119:9-16

ב BETH

9 How can a young man cleanse his way?
By taking heed according to Your word.
10 With my whole heart I have sought You;
Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!
11 Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.
12 Blessed are You, O LORD!
Teach me Your statutes.
13 With my lips I have declared
All the judgments of Your mouth.
14 I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies,
As much as in all riches.
15 I will meditate on Your precepts,
And contemplate Your ways.
16 I will delight myself in Your statutes;
I will not forget Your word.

May our life be like the life of king David, seeking the Lord with his whole heart and delighting in His statutes and not forgetting His words

seek and ye shall find

Isaiah 55:6-9
6)Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
7)Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
8)For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
9)For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

-KJV-

How precious is your lovingkindness

Psalm 36:7-9

7 How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!
Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.

8 They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,
And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.

9 For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light.

God is merciful

Psalm 116:5-7

5) Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; Yes, our God is merciful.

6) The LORD preserves the simple; I was brought low, and he saved me.

7) Return to our rest, O my soul. For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.

NKJV

Mediate on these things

Finally, brethrens,
whatever things are true,
whatever things are noble,
whatever things are just,
whatever things are pure,
whatever things are of good report,
if there is any virture and if there is anything praise-worthy, mediate on these things.

The things which you learned and recieved and hear and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

~philippians 4:8-9~

The world outside is full of corrupt, darkness and evil.
As sons of God, we gotta hold fast to this verse.
This verse gotta be our daily testimony,
That we live this verse out

That our mouths will not be filled with guile
Our thoughts will not be thougths that are displeasing to Him

That our actions will be actions that shine forth His light

That our lives will be made as a daily sacrifice to him, holy and acceptable, without blemish.

May God help us

Walk and relation

Our relation with God is not just some warm and fuzzy feeling, but it's a relation that is close and steadfast, having the desire to walk in His ways, not turn to the left nor to the right

Vision

"What is my vision of God's purpose in me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me"
(osward chambers-My utmost for His highest)


It's difficult. My instinct are telling me to use my own strength and abilities to overcome all these things that are around me. Yes, I am confused with what is going on right now. But I shall just place my trust in Him and find my rest in Him.


Find rest my Soul
In christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
(still)

Restrain

Through the study of Ernest walking's life of David in bible study, there are lots of things to learn from it and how God is bringing David through in his life, applies in our life as well

Bears and Lion: test of David's faithfulness to his sheep as his shepherd and his trust in the Lord
Goliath : test of David's faith whether he trusted God more or feared man instead
After Saul turned mad: Test of restrain

David had all the right to kill saul...many many times, but he knew that he must not lay hands on the Lord's anoited. When saul threw the spear at him, he managed to dodge it and he had 2 choice:

1) that crazy guy wants to kill me when i am playing the harp for him? I shall throw the spear back and kill him.

2) run

David chose the latter and he ran off. He did things that normal human wouldnt do.
Saul was the ruler, yet his ruling is not right. David had the right to end this wrong ruling that Saul had. Any normal human being in flesh nature would never want to submit to a ruling that is wrong. They want justification more than anything else in this case. Yet David ran away from Saul twice.

Any supporter of David who witnessed this scene would had though in His mind: "why did you run off? He can kill that saul. Your accuracy is so good that you can nail that Saul like how you hit Goliath in the forehead. yet you ran off?"

3 more times david exercised great restrain. 2 times towards saul when saul was pursing him. Instead of killing Saul, he cut off his robe once and another time took away his spear when he was sleeping. The 3rd time was towards shimei who swore and cursed at him. Even his generals wanted to kill shimei, yet David prevented that from happening

I've typed so much already. Yet am I really able to exercise restrain in life? When things does not happen the way I want. Even when the opposite is in the wrong, will I exercise restrain or just explode out? Sometimes, we all have no restrain over our thoughts. Forget about alcohol, you do not need alcohol to lose ur restrain.

This is why David wrote: Psalm 139:23
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts

Thoughts leads to actions. If you have no restrain in your thoughts, you have no restrain in your actions.

May the Lord help everyone of us