Why?

Why? Why must I keep repeating such silly actions?

All to Him

All to Him, I commit



LYRICS
For every mountain that is high He is higher
For every burden that is great He is greater
For every valley that is deep He is deeper still
More than we can know

Our promise is Jesus
Our answer is Jesus
All to Him
All to Him we owe everything
Our savior is Jesus 
Our future is Jesus
All to Him
All to Him we owe everything

For every fear that closes in He is closer
For every doubt that comes on strong He is stronger
For every battle that we face He has conquered all
More than we can know

We know the great God
We serve the great God
We owe the great God
Everything all to Him 

Pre-book in blues

Booking in soon. It was a long break, and I do not look forward to the break ending cause it means it's time for PME, which is Platoon Mission Exercise.

Gonna go for another field camp
Say hi to the heavy medic bag and stretcher, rifle, field pack, camouflage cream, mud, sweat, fatigue, lack of sleep and hopefully no rain.

Every field camp is a testing for me. And I must always keep my eyes focused on the Lord cause being the medic is one of the toughest job in an infantry platoon. Sometimes I really hope I can just throw away the medic bag to one side but it defeats the purpose of being a medic. Every field camp pulls me beyond my endurance level and I guess so will this field camp be.

No point thinking about it so much and feeling so helpless. I gotta face it and pull through it.
Gonna be back on friday. There will be good food waiting for me upon stepping out of camp on Friday.

The denied request...

Well, perhaps it's time for me to stop hiding my blog and keeping it to myself...time to be more open about what has been going on.

But I'm still not crazy to post the blog link on facebook and let everyone see. The list of people who can see this post are filtered, which means those whom I keep in contact more with or I feel comfortable in letting them know of the existence of my blog will see the link...Anyways.

All these things going on in the previous week, one of which is the VOC, also known as vocational obstacle course which a group of soldiers have to clear with their vest and armor plates and rifles in a certain timing.

This obstacle course left me with a lot of unpleasant experience ever since my BMT days back in 2012. And then, I did not touch the course till about a year later. It was only in late November that I did it again. This time, though stronger, the requirements became more also, and once again, I couldn't clear the obstacle due to the fact that I had the extra armor platings in the vest that weighed me down.

And then, I was still confident that I could still pass it since it's a group test, and the stronger ones could help the ones that have difficulties in clearing the obstacles, but then, I got pulled out of the test last minute due to some circumstances, and then have to train more with the obstacle course and I thought I could still pass it.
Praying to God and telling God that I want to just pass this obstacle course, and then I do not have to do it again.

But then, during the test, we couldn't clear one of the obstacle. I wasn't blaming the person who couldn't clear that obstacle, but rather, I was unhappy with the fact that despite my prayers and request for the passing of the obstacle, we were so close to passing it and we failed. We have to train more and then do the test again. I wasn't unhappy with God, just that the previous pains where being unable to clear the combat obstacle course and IPPT came at me again.

So that night, during my prayers, I was just praying to God, as usual, thanking God for the day and bringing me through the day despite all that has happened. And then, suddenly I felt God speaking to me: "I did not let you clear it so quickly cause I want you to keep going at it until it no longer becomes an obstacle to you, and something that you will be able to face it and not feel fears and worries running through you."

At that point of time, I remembered the verse where the apostle Paul prayed to God to remove the thorn of the flesh for 3 times, and all 3 times it was denied and God replied that His grace is sufficient in our weakness.

Things do not go according to how we want it to be, and the results disappoints us time after time. God is forcefully molding us and teaching us, but the wounds are not meant to hurt, He will restore us and all unto us strength. It's not just physical strength to clear a physical obstacle course. We have a spiritual race and spiritual obstacle course to clear. God be my strength, I need thee every hour.

Welcome.

Setback once again.
Meh... welcome to my life.

How long more must this drag when it could be ended swiftly and quickly?

And then, while I was praying over this issue, I felt God telling me that He is not going to let get over with this so easily. I gotta keep facing it again and again till it no longer becomes a thing that I dread so much.

:/

I went all out during this short break
And now my whole body still aching from all the effects of the full burst of exercise.

And then...I'm gonna have the dreaded VOC tomorrow   :(
God please be my strength

Ouch

Going to miss out my 1st piano lesson for the new term just when it starts...ouch!!

My lessons are not cheap de lei!!

Well, nothing goes smoothly and things happen.
I just hope all my teachers will help and I learn as much as I can.
And I got a lot of re-adjustment to do already. Since that's the case.

And then, it's close to 2am already and
I'm still awake. Effects of night shift last dosen't it? Well, just enjoying music and raindrops. Later in the day gotta book in already!!!

Is this how

I keep telling myself that I cannot be a prisoner of the past.

And I seem to have finally found the strength and the will to move on.

And then I look ahead, I don't see anything that motivates me ahead already.

Is this really how faith is meant to be? To be totally uncertain of the future and yet keep moving forward?
This is a real real test yo...

Tick tock tick tock

The times keeps going on, not stopping for anyone.

With this the calender moves on from 2013 to 2014

I'm not going to post all kind of nonsense such as "new year resolution" or "what to achieve in this new year"
And I'm not going to post things like it's a new year, it's a new start and bla bla bla bla

I'm wondering why do people even want to post things like it's a new year and it's a new start when the transition from 31st December of an old year to 1st January of a new year does not unlock the ability called "format C drive". Like what? Clear all the memories of what happened in the previous year cause it's just a new year? You only get a "format C drive" option when one suffers from a severe concussion", and that is not the option that anyone wants. That is being remembered into memories will not be automatically removed just because it's a new year. I rather just continue living on.

And new year resolution nonsense pretty much last up to 1 month to the maximum cause one would realize that it is pretty much wishful thinking to think of such things when everyday we are all struggling to keep up the pace of life and the things that life and reality has to throw at us. From looking forward to what to do this year merely becomes a struggle to catch the breath to survive the week ahead. So no point celebrating a new year.

I do not know what I have such a state of mind. After all, the times where a new year feels like a new cycle ends at the age of 17. From then on, a polythenic semester starts in april and the start of the year is always a mad rush cause it's the final stretch of the semester to get assignments and projects completed. That lasted for 3 years, and then after that is NS, the part where I have to struggle to pull through every day, every week and every month. No time to look for a year ahead. So perhaps that's how I ended in this mentality.

I then told myself that the only things that matters is my walk with God. Of how I wanted to really live a life that pleases Him. Then...*pause*. Isn't this a daily thing and not a yearly thing. It has a difference of 364 if it's a daily thing to a yearly thing. So then, a new year does not really apply in this case much. And a new year is only a scary thing, that the coming of the Lord is getting nearer and nearer.

Does not mean I'm gonna just sit there and watch people wish each other a happy new year and I'm not doing anything. So, to those reading the blog, I wish u a happy new year too!!


Sign off
GLUM

Deploy!!!

Earl Grey tea

Sugar

Creamer

Tea

Coffee

Chocolates

All ready for deployment already??? 

NOOO!!!!!